We Need To Talk About Drinking And Flying

Hey you. Yeah, I'm talking to you. You know who you are. You're the person pre-gaming your flight, trying to sneak booze onto my plane, doing your best to con free drinks off the flight attendant, and claiming that a Gin & Tonic "helps you sleep" on your day-flight.

You.

We need to talk about your drinking problem and the problem it's causing for everyone around you because you're doing it in a public place.

Today's rant is brought to you by 2 incidents in so many weeks. First, a man getting off my flight was so drunk that he and his teenage son got into a physical fight on the jet bridge, one that I, your flight attendant, had to break up. One that caused me deep concern for your son because he was way too unsurprised when you shoved him violently against the wall of the jetbridge.

Second, a woman traveling by herself was so drunk she literally could not put one foot in front of the other when she arrived at her destination. She was not capable of walking to baggage claim on her own, and I had to go so far as to order wheelchair assistance for her and use her cell phone to call her ride on her behalf because I was scared she might be attempting to drive wherever she was headed next.

Morning With Dogs

Some of you know that I recently had a change of address.  Unable to continue affording my last apartment (or, rather, unwilling and unable to continue accepting financial assistance from my parents), I have recently moved in with a friend of my boyfriend's and am renting out her spare bedroom for a few months while I attempt to find a better solution.

And I have not gone quietly.  I'll admit it.  I've been a giant baby about this move.  Once you get used to living alone like I have been doing at my last two permanent residences (ignore the 2 months of Flight Attendant training and 7 ensuing months of homelessness), it is very difficult to reconcile yourself with the idea of having a roommate again.  I am, of course, incredibly grateful to her for taking me in.  She did not have to, but hopefully the next four months will be mutually beneficial.  Meanwhile, my body is acclimating to the new surroundings.  Experience (and being a generally deep sleeper) has taught me that in a couple of weeks I will no longer awaken at the sound of her 5:00 A.M. showers or the dogs following her around the house before she leaves for work.  For now, if I'm lucky enough to be sleeping in that day (never a guarantee in my line of work), I stretch, roll over, and bury my head under a pillow.

…while silently thinking to myself how much I miss my studio.

Sixty Six Word Stories

So I've been flipping through my notebook, looking for a little inspiration for something new, and I found this collection of Six Word Stories I wrote during a 3-day trip a couple of months ago.  I think my goal was to try to write 100 of them, but I didn't make it quite that far.

Anyway, I'm gathering them all here for your amusement and to see if anything strikes me as being worth turning into a longer story.

"But You'll Never Be Strong"

I am tired of being constantly on the defense.  It's something that starts at my job and continues at home and has dogged my steps as long as I can remember.

As someone who works, ultimately, in customer service¹, I have found that the best way to handle attacks is by refocusing a customer away from whatever has upset them onto what I can do for them.  At its simplest, for example, if a customer in coach is upset that the airline does not provide blankets, there's nothing I can do to suddenly change the policy that we don't do that.  But instead of saying, "I'm sorry I just don't have a blanket for you.  The company did away with those years ago to make ticket prices cheaper," I focus on what I can offer.  "I'm sorry you're cold.  Can I bring you some hot coffee or tea to warm you up?"  A good majority of people will take me up on the offer.  And an even greater majority are at least happier because they've been acknowledged and offered something.  Only a very small percentage of them are still upset and, well, some people just like to suffer and you're not going to be able to make them happy anyway.

A Compilation of Gingers

Endless List of Awesome Red-Headed Women In Fiction

(i.e. people I wanted to be when I grow up)

Anne Shirley

 

Mary Jane Watson

 

The Girl With the Titian Hair

I'm having one of those days where I'm remembering all the reasons I loved who I was for the 3 years I was dying my hair red.

For those of you not keeping track, I dyed my hair a dark auburn red around February of 2011 while I was studying abroad and went from this

to this

and then continued dying my hair as close to that shade of red as possible for the following three years.  Again, for those of you not keeping track, I stopped dying my hair around October(?) of 2013, and actually hardcore bleached it in November 2013, leaving it strawberry blonde.  I did a glaze in January that sort of toned it a bit, and since then have not colored it at all.  Every day I get closer and closer to my natural blonde.  My father and brother, who have been active leaders of the We-Hate-Rachel-With-Anything-But-Natural-Hair Club, are thrilled.

Why, you ask, should you give a crap?  Well, you probably shouldn't; it's my business.  But the real question is: "Why is this such an emotional thing for you, Rachel?"

To quote one of my college professors,  "Well, I'll tell you."

Fifty Shades of Grey Drinking Game

Fifty Shades of Grey: The Drinking Game

Because at this point, booze may be the only way to get through the rest of this book.

One Drink:

• "Oh my"
• "Double Crap"
• "Mighty _____," particularly "mighty fine."  (Who even says this?)
• Christian's "long fingers" are mentioned
• "My subconscious."
• someone gasps  (no seriously you will be amazed by how often this happens)
• absurd product placement (cars, tea, computers, etc. mentioned in excessive brand detail)
• Ana "flushes" or "blushes"
• Grey's pants hang "in that way"
• gift-giving disproportionate to the relationship
• unnecessary lists of three (one adjective or metaphor is more than sufficient most of the time, E.L. James)
• Ana refers to her roommate by her full name, Katherine Kavanagh, rather than simply "Kate."

Two Drinks:

• Ana is painfully ignorant to the point that you have to forcefully suspend your disbelief
• "Inner goddess"
• "Laters, ____."
• Grey does something so pretentious/ridiculous you have to stop reading to laugh. 

Bottoms-Up:

• You are actively offended.
• Unnecessary ellipse ("…")
• Someone refers to sex as "doing it."
• Someone refers to a part of the anatomy ambiguously as "…there." 

Round for the Whole House:

• A sexual act feels non-consensual to you.