Pages

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Sixty Six Word Stories

So I've been flipping through my notebook, looking for a little inspiration for something new, and I found this collection of Six Word Stories I wrote during a 3-day trip a couple of months ago.  I think my goal was to try to write 100 of them, but I didn't make it quite that far.

Anyway, I'm gathering them all here for your amusement and to see if anything strikes me as being worth turning into a longer story.

Friday, November 14, 2014

"But You'll Never Be Strong"

I am tired of being constantly on the defense.  It's something that starts at my job and continues at home and has dogged my steps as long as I can remember.

As someone who works, ultimately, in customer service1, I have found that the best way to handle attacks is by refocusing a customer away from whatever has upset them onto what I can do for them.  At its simplest, for example, if a customer in coach is upset that the airline does not provide blankets, there's nothing I can do to suddenly change the policy that we don't do that.  But instead of saying, "I'm sorry I just don't have a blanket for you.  The company did away with those years ago to make ticket prices cheaper," I focus on what I can offer.  "I'm sorry you're cold.  Can I bring you some hot coffee or tea to warm you up?"  A good majority of people will take me up on the offer.  And an even greater majority are at least happier because they've been acknowledged and offered something.  Only a very small percentage of them are still upset and, well, some people just like to suffer and you're not going to be able to make them happy anyway.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A Compilation of Gingers

Endless List of Awesome Red-Headed Women In Fiction

(i.e. people I wanted to be when I grow up)

Anne Shirley


Mary Jane Watson

The Girl With the Titian Hair

I'm having one of those days where I'm remembering all the reasons I loved who I was for the 3 years I was dying my hair red.

For those of you not keeping track, I dyed my hair a dark auburn red around February of 2011 while I was studying abroad and went from this

to this

and then continued dying my hair as close to that shade of red as possible for the following three years.  Again, for those of you not keeping track, I stopped dying my hair around October(?) of 2013, and actually hardcore bleached it in November 2013, leaving it strawberry blonde.  I did a glaze in January that sort of toned it a bit, and since then have not colored it at all.  Every day I get closer and closer to my natural blonde.  My father and brother, who have been active leaders of the We-Hate-Rachel-With-Anything-But-Natural-Hair Club, are thrilled.

Why, you ask, should you give a crap?  Well, you probably shouldn't; it's my business.  But the real question is: "Why is this such an emotional thing for you, Rachel?"

To quote one of my college professors,  "Well, I'll tell you."


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Fifty Shades of Grey Drinking Game

Fifty Shades of Grey: The Drinking Game

Because at this point, booze may be the only way to get through the rest of this book.

One Drink:
  • "Oh my"
  • "Double Crap"
  • "Mighty _____," particularly "mighty fine."  (Who even says this?)
  • Christian's "long fingers" are mentioned
  • "My subconscious."
  • someone gasps  (no seriously you will be amazed by how often this happens)
  • absurd product placement (cars, tea, computers, etc. mentioned in excessive brand detail)
  • Ana "flushes" or "blushes"
  • Grey's pants hang "in that way"
  • gift-giving disproportionate to the relationship
  • unnecessary lists of three (one adjective or metaphor is more than sufficient most of the time, E.L. James)
  • Ana refers to her roommate by her full name, Katherine Kavanagh, rather than simply "Kate."
Two Drinks:
  • Ana is painfully ignorant to the point that you have to forcefully suspend your disbelief
  • "Inner goddess"
  • "Laters, ____."
  • Grey does something so pretentious/ridiculous you have to stop reading to laugh. 
Bottoms-Up:
  • You are actively offended.
  • Unnecessary ellipse ("…")
  • Someone refers to sex as "doing it."
  • Someone refers to a part of the anatomy ambiguously as "…there." 
Round for the Whole House:
  • A sexual act feels non-consensual to you. 

Monday, July 28, 2014

Rachel Reads Fifty Shades of Grey Masterpost

As most of my facebook and tumblr friends know, I have been cataloging my reactions to reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  I've decided to go ahead and collect all of those reactions and dump them here.


Day 1: "This book is fifty shades of fucked up is what it is."

Day 2:  They have now fucked and called it making love. I feel extremely uncomfortable.

Day 3:  
part I: Main character reveals that in spite of having attended university for four years, she does not have regular access to the internet or a computer of her own.
I frantically flip through previous reading to determine what year this is set in. Thought it was 2010s.
part II:  I have read "The Contract." I have also vomited in my mouth at least 4x.
part III:  page 151—concept of a "safeword" is finally introduced.  It is not confirmed before the shortly following sex scene occurs.
Day 4:  p. 169—Ana is finally appalled by something, anything, that Christian Grey has done.

Day 5:
 part I:  "I will watch the movie on the sole condition that it is done Lizzie McGuire style with little cartoon characters voicing Ana's 'inner goddess' and subconscious."
part II: The rape-y, non-consensual aspect of this book is starting to really show itself.  Ana has stated several times that she is not comfortable with certain things (I won't specify what because I promised to try to keep these posts PG-13), and Grey has insisted on doing them anyway, insisting that she will like it.  I suspect this will only get worse over time.
Advice to both men and women: Insisting your partner participate in a sexual act because you "just know he/she will like it," is not acceptable. If you really want to try something with your partner that they are not comfortable with, DISCUSS IT. TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE COMFORTABLE TRYING. Perhaps they will be willing to try it later on, but if and when they are, let THEM tell YOU they are ready.

Day 6: I have created a Fifty Shades of Grey drinking game.  You are welcome.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Come Have a Nosh

The first ever Cakes & Ale video blog!  WATCH IT!  And feel free to give me some suggestions for next time.  This is pretty maleable in its current state, and I haven't really decided where it's going to be going.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Deadly Donuts and Peter Pan

My hobbies: Convincing the natives that I actually speak Spanish/Portuguese even though I have absolutely no idea what's going on.  My wakeup call for instance:

"Buenas Días!  Jibberish gobbledegook speaking speako thingo tu no understando."

"Buenas Días."

"Furthero wakeo up-o call-o Señorita somethingo somethingo."

"Sí.  Gracias."

And then they say something else, and I just keep saying "Sí.  Gracias," until it seems appropriate to say "Muchos gracias.  Adíos," and hang up.  The only time I *don't* try this?  When it involves food.  I learned my lesson after the Great Whole-Wheat Donut Debaucle of '14.  For the record, although I was hoping that perhaps "Glaseado Integral Con Amaranto" meant some sort of glazed amaretto donut, it does, in fact, mean glazed with whole wheat (er…technically the Amaranto [or Amaranth] plant is some sort of weed, and they put the ground up seeds in their whole wheat flour).  -shudders-  Never again.